The holiday season is supposed to be full of joy, but for families going through a divorce, this time often brings intensified stress and grief. This clash of happiness and change can cause turmoil, especially for children.
The celebratory nature of the season magnifies the feeling of upheaval, making thoughtful preparation essential. Parents must take care to manage emotions and maintain stability for everyone involved.
Create an emotional toolkit
During this transition, avoid the pressure to make things “perfect.” It is okay if the holidays look different this year. To help accomplish this:
- Lower the bar: Prioritize peace and presence over elaborate traditions. Do not compare your situation to past years.
- Plan your alone time: If your kids are with your co-parent, schedule activities to avoid isolation. Quiet time, like a movie marathon or time with friends, can help.
- Practice self-compassion: Accept that sadness is a natural part of this significant loss. The holidays can amplify feelings of vulnerability.
Being kind to yourself is crucial when you feel most vulnerable.
Focus on stability over conflict
Your goal is to help your children cope with split schedules and confusing emotions. First, review your existing court-ordered parenting plan, which contains the legally binding, finalized holiday residential schedule. If you both agree to a change, ensure you confirm any deviation from the court order in writing.
Remember that your children thrive on routine, so consider these goals:
- Predictability: Work with your co-parent now to confirm and clearly communicate the schedule. Knowing exactly where they will be reduces children’s anxiety significantly.
- Validation: Encourage children to talk about missing the “old way” or the other parent. Reassure them that they are loved and that their feelings are valid.
- Creativity: Focus on establishing small, new rituals specific to your time together, which helps create future positive memories without directly competing with past ones.
- Unity: Never use your children as messengers or speak negatively about the other parent. Their loyalty should never be tested.
In Washington, a parent’s failure to foster the child’s relationship with the co-parent or engaging in emotionally harmful behavior can be a factor used by the court to restrict residential time or decision-making authority.
Planning for a peaceful future
The goal for this holiday season is survival and ensuring your children feel safe, loved and stable amidst the changes. Use this time to establish positive co-parenting behaviors that will serve your family for years to come.
Because the Washington parenting plan is a court-ordered, legally binding document that determines the residential schedule, decision-making and dispute resolution for your children, it is strongly recommended that you seek experienced legal guidance to protect your parental rights and ensure that the plan is legally compliant. A knowledgeable lawyer can help you focus on the hope of a New Year.